// Mistake Realization//
It took me a couple of days to contemplate every thing that I’ve been going through since the day that things and situations got collided. Many times, I tried to write since spilling out someone’s emotion will make it lesser burden and it will help you to, somehow, breathe. But every time I was upfront with screen, I just felt like hitting backspace and settling back because I didn’t think if I could start even a single word. I just thought, that maybe it wasn’t the right time to be vulnerable. Maybe it wasn’t okay to get emotional and rant just because you’re deeply mad and overwhelmingly hurt.
In every relationship, there will always be a matter of misunderstanding that later on, it is preferably to call”conflicts”. Talking of us, I know it isn’t really a misunderstanding to consider. I know that the time when you’re going to leave, all I know is you’ll be back and I’ll be patiently waiting. Then you left, we never missed any communication especially that “time” where I was in a tough situation and I really really appreciate the empathy and all the concerns you’ve been sending me just to make me feel that even we part ways, you’re still there and letting me feel that we’re two in this, that I am not alone. Thank you for that.
Everything’s getting fine. I knew so well that we were strengthened with that “event”. Until I grew myself falling apart. I know it’s very odd to feel that way because we haven’t done to each other something wrong. I just felt like that time that I wasbadly in need of your presence.. that the moment I found myself alone, I was awakened with the reality that I was just alonewhile carrying on all the responsibility of everything. Suddenly, a part of me got sentimental and dysfunctional due to lack of sleep, pained-body, having not a proper meal, loss about it, I was-here-and-you’re-not. Then, I got fed up and outburst right
then just to let myself give a little break, just for that time.. The first time you’ve heard me threw off hurtful words that I shouldn’t and must not said. I was buried too much that time, no signs of being capable to think straight. That was the reason why I hurt you, unintentionally.
and days passed without good talks, no communication.
Here is the part that gives me the rewind of everything. This is the part when I start to rationalize. It smacks me right in the face when I realized that it was my fault after all, and I was just too egoistic to admit. Now that I lost you, what will I do? If Idon’t want to swallow my pride, and if I choke on meaning the word “sorry”, Am I willing to let go of something I can never have again? Am I willing to give up all the good times just for this? Look back, through it all, is it worth it?
I know at this point of time, I have no right to expect anything good from you. You’ve been hurt and I am certain that I am the one who wronged here.. I am admitting to myself that I hurt you and I am sincerely saying sorry.
I know I cannot get back things right the way they were, like what you said.. “You really don’t say I hate you to the one you really love, and you never tell that that you don’t need them while the truth is, you do”. I know now where did I fall. I hope you can forgive me though you said it right that you already did. But I still feel the awkwardness and the discomfort yet I am willing to wait for the day that finally you have forgiven me. I just hope that love will never fail in your heart because I am sure with myself now, that in mine, it won’t happen.
Thank you for the date in Tagaytay yesterday though it wasn’t filled with much fun, I’m glad that I was with you and it wasall worth to be appreciated for. I’m still hoping and praying that the spark and love for this relationship will be rekindled. I will understand that you’re taking time to get it back, little by little. Thank you for the best-est hug that you gave me when I cried hard last night. I couldn’t blame myself why we were in cold days.
I am still waiting for things to fall on their proper places, I am patiently waiting..
I love you so much.
